i’m a delicate little fairy please do not raise your voice or say mean things to me bc i will burst into tears
Just Be Positive (Just Hide from Reality)
“Just think positive, just be happy”
you say like it’s going to do any good,
“I understand, now just be happy!”
you say like you have any good to offer
when shit hits the fan and the demons
come out to play, come out for blood,
and my body is scarred from their hands
greedily clawing into my flesh for what
sanity, hope, peace, happiness I have left,
how do I fucking just be happy? How?
You say you understand with closed eyes,
hiding from the reality of this situation
because you have never been here, you don’t
know what it’s like to have their hands on you
when you were too young to understand it,
making it to some sick game before you knew
that your body wasn’t some playing field,
that you hate so much today that the thought,
the very thought of destroying everything
on the outside keeps you going through one
more damned night that you don’t want to face.
If you understood, “just be happy” doesn’t and
can’t exist when there is a monster in your head
screaming that you’re a worthless waste of space
that deserves to die, to suffer, to be alone, that
you don’t deserve to just be happy, to be positive.
If you really understood, then you’d know that to
be happy means facing your worst enemy, yourself,
and constantly battling the monster in your head,
the monster that is your mind and you have to
choose to believe that everything it says it’s a lie,
when you really, really want to believe every insult.
Telling yourself “hold on, have hope, just try, try”
feels wrong down to your very core because how?
How can there be any hope amongst such pain?
Amongst such desolation, destruction and hatred?
There is no such thing as “just be happy” when
you are at war with yourself and your own mind
that wants you dead, you just can’t face the pain
I’ve suffered for years and years, you don’t want to.
There are no quick fixes for this disease, just fighting
when it feels like there is nothing left worth fighting for,
hoping for some light when all you know is darkness,
trying to reclaim something that you have a right to
but were told that you never had, and can’t have now.
The reality is that I am fighting for my fucking life
and “just being happy” is never going to win this war.
Don’t ever put your happiness in someone else’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it every time.
— Christopher Barzak (via felicefawn)
I think it’s the books that you read when you’re young that live with you forever.
— J.K. Rowling (via incandence)
- My therapist: Look at nature. Look at flowers. We never walk into our garden and say "Oh wouldn't that flower be so much more pretty if it were taller? Or red instead of pink?" No, we don't. Because nature was created perfect just as it is. And so are we. We are part of nature, we are how we're meant to be, we are perfect just as we are.